Jimmeh (born_stubborn) wrote,
Jimmeh
born_stubborn

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Why I'm not into the chivalry thing.

This should clear up any confusion about my problem with "chivalry," versus common, mutual courtesy and respect in a relationship:

feministing.com: "Mandating Chivalry Is Mandating Sexism"

"Now, let's be clear - there's a big difference between chivalry and manners. Being a nice person that opens doors for others (regardless of their gender) and being respectful is something that we should encourage in all people. That's being kind; it's mannered and it's nice. Chivalry, on the other hand, is straight up based on the idea that women are weaker need to be taken care of. It's insulting. It's also a trade-off - one that we're supposed to be grateful for - for being at the shit end of the patriarchy.


Feministe.com: "I’ll take voting rights over a knight in shining armor, thanks."

"There’s a difference between being chivalrous and being nice or polite. Opening a door for someone because you got to the door first is both nice and polite; making a huge production of opening a door for a woman in the hopes that she’ll see what a chivalrous dude you are and f**k you (and then getting all pissy when she doesn’t respond how you want her to) is not polite or nice. And that’s the thing with chivalry: It always demands something in return. If you’re being nice to me because you like me and you’re the kind of person who is nice to people you like, then that’s great. If you’re being nice to me because you’re hoping to get something out of it, or if you think you’re entitled to sex or a relationship with me because you were nice and “chivalrous,” you can go f**k yourself. See how that works?"



It's understandable that a couple wants to make each other feel like a million bucks, but it's worthless unless it's mutual. So, let's say a man "respects" you by pulling out a chair for you, or helping you put your coat on. Twenty minutes later, he talks down to you when you ask him a question, then patronizes you when you demand an apology. What manner of "respect" is this, other than superficial. I've seen men, including myself until I reached the age of reason, use chivalry to compensate for his lack of genuine respect for his partner. I want no part of that. Sadly, too many men fall into that trap - a lot of men think that if they're chivalrous, their partners owe them something.

Respect should be mutual and unconditional. If it isn't, you're both wasting each others' time. Fix it, or move on.
Tags: axis of morons, feminism, relationships
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