so do we
there's no time
to stop for tears
and pause for silence
there is no break
life throws monkey wrenches
in the works
strife lets them hit you
it fuckin hurts
face your fear
Telling myself this and doing it are two entirely different creatures. I've been trying to wrap my head around my relationship, my boy's autism, my new house, and general, profound upheaval in both my wife's family and my own. This weekend is an opportunity for Cris and me to reflect on what is happening and perhaps a chance to refocus on our goals, because life goes on, regardless of who chooses to stay in the picture.
Cris and me are making progress, with an outburst here and there. It dawned on us this weekend that we have entirely too little patience for each other. Something needs to be done about that. I love her dearly and know that she feels the same. We both want things to work out, but are a bit green on the technique. Given our backgrounds, calming down and getting down to the nitty gritty is easier said than done. I let my temper get in the way, which clouds my insight into the behavior of those around me.
It's probably no mystery to any of you that my youngest son is autistc. I am actually pretty hopeful about what he's been provided by the school district, but am ever vigilant that he not be placed in a box where no improvement will ever be expected from him. I want him to be enriched and to learn how to enrich him myself. I want our whole family (four of us) to be enriched by this whole experience. The first step was to get him in to see someone that can connect him with the help he needs. Now that we have the education diagnosis out of the way, we can go with the medical diagnosis which will be helpful should he need any further help down the road. I've done some reading out there that says it is better to explain to siblings early and often what is going on with the younger one - just keep it simple and over the years progressively elaborate.
Now, as for the house, funds are running out. We have to get moving on that fence and the general cleanup/painting/recarpeting of that place. Like yesterday, but my younger son's needs have taken priority.
Now for the upheaval. My brother ran away more than a month ago and will not respond to me writing him. He has deleted some encouraging words I made in comments on his MySpace and has refused to speak to anyone in our family. I fear he is in danger. He has no job and no clothes. He is about as ill-prepared as ill-prepared can get, not to mention still a minor. Cris is dealing with her own version of this. My sister-in-law took off, too. Although I take issue with the fact that she was not willing to face the family to say said her goodbyes. She's twenty, for christ's sake, she can come and go as she pleases. But no, she sneaked out just like my brother did. I caught her on MySpace bragging about it (a proud acheivement, I must say). At least she has a job - some means to support herself. At this point, she'll either sink or swim. Time will tell. I will conclude by saying that both are exhibiting poor priority management skills combined with profoundly self-absorbed behavior, BOTH evident of an utter lack of anything resembling a sense of responsiblity. I want to choke both of them and slam their heads together until something rattles loose, but there is little or nothing I can do for either of them at this point but wish them the best of luck, so that's the end of it, and hopefully the last time I mention it.
Speaking of family stuff, I'm pissed at my father for not writing me back. I wrote my half-sister via reunion.com a few days ago and have yet to hear back. WTF??
SO, what's left??? This weekend. Tomorrow's Cris's birthday, conveniently in conjunction with Memorial Day, which gives us an excuse to run off to an undisclosed location and completely fuck off for the weekend. So, folks, from Saturday morning to Tuesday morning, we practically won't exist. Bonus: my brother-in-law is invited to go with us, since my in-laws are El Salvador. Yeah, life gets mixed up sometimes. Well, it's life. What did I expect? All that's left is to stay focused and let things be as they are if I can't control them.
Take care, ya'll.