January 27th, 2006

I have no idea what is going on with me, but I think I like it.

I've purged my profile. I'm not sure what this means to me yet. Perhaps an change of priorities or an epiphany... but to be an epiphany, it would have to be a sudden moment, right? I'm not sure what has sparked what I'm going through, but I've found myself speaking a lot less, even to myself (I normally talk to myself a lot), and thinking a lot more. Maybe mortality is part of it. An Old Friend just passed on, after all. I'm finding myself less concerned or interested in the things that usually interest me, like politics, and more interested in things that have only been passing blips on my mind's radar. I don't know. I just don't know. It kind of feels like some spiritual awakening. I feel like I have a lot of beautiful things, ideas, and/or concepts locked inside with no way to express those things, ideas, and/or concepts. Part of me feels like chanting some jibberish right now. I can feel something welling up inside me, but it's not that old anger. No... it's something a lot different. Something I've never felt before. It's not familiar to me, but it doesn't scare me at all. Is it an awakening? I guess we'll see. All I can say is that I've felt really relaxed, yet not very energetic for the last three days. I don't feel like doing anything but contemplating this and meditating. Things even sound, look, feel, and taste different.

First of all, this phenomenon started the day my Old Friend passed on (about mid-afternoon). I have been, almost continuously, in this mood equilibrium ever since. I am more and more beginning to believe that the Old Friend's passing and the phenomenon are no coincidence. Maybe something is trying to reach at me from the spiritual realm and tell me something. Maybe it's my own intuition telling me not to make the same mistakes that Older People that I know have made so that I can live a long, prosperous, and healthy life with my wife, my children, and all who encounter me. Whatever it is, I'm going to milk it like it's going out of style.

It something that I'd place in the realm of euphoria on the emotional scale, but not enough that anyone can notice. I'm not sure how else to explain it, even though I have a funny feeling that someone is going to run across this text and give me a hint. It might even be me.

Good night all! :-) Jim
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